A break from the job search for . . . . . .

Your Score: The Carnal Lover

31% partner focus, 76% aggressiveness, 55% adventurousness

Based on the results of this test, it is highly likely that:

You prefer your romance and love to wild and daring rather than typical or boring, you would rather pursue than be pursued and, when it comes to physical love, you concentrate more on enjoying the experience rather than worrying about your performance.

This places you in the Lover Style of: The Carnal Lover.

The Carnal Lover is a wonderful Lover Style, though it is often confused with terms like “player” or even “slut.” The Carnal Lover is not necessarily either of those things (though sometimes is) but is instead a lover of life, romance and pleasure. The Carnal Lover is a treasure to find, though can sometimes be difficult to keep happy once found, because a Carnal Lover often loves a variety-filled life.

In terms of physical love, the Carnal Lover tends to be dynamic and driven, and can therefore be quite pleasurable. Given the right motivation, and the right lover, the Carnal Lover can be a delight in bed.

Best Compatibility can probably be found with: The Surprising Lover (most of all) or the Devoted Lover, or the Liberated Lover.

Congratulations!

If you enjoyed this test, I would love the feedback! Also, you might want to check out some of my other tests if you’re interested in the following:

Nerds, Geeks & Dorks

Professional Wrestling

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

America/Politics

Thanks Again! — THE LOVER STYLE PROFILE TEST

Link: The Lover Style Profile Test written by donathos on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

Flooding the market

Got the details on the severance today, two months of pay and benefits till the end of the year. It’s a true lay-off and I could be called back anytime. Unfortunately, we have 30 days to make  deal or a decision and right now, I’m looking at a 90% chance of having to move; not a happy thing at all. My friend has been supportive and sympathetic, all I could ask for. One good fight today with the spousal unit. I’m sure there will be more.

A bit of a distraction

I’m being laid off, I just found out. My position being eliminated as a cost savings. On Monday, I’ll find out what the severence package will be like. The job search begins now. The blog may slow down somewhat.

I miss . . . . . . IM Sex

OK, I know, I’m sure I could get this in any chat room but it’s not what I miss. It’s been a long time since my friend and I have done this and I think this truly reflects the pull-back she’s making from me. For seven months, it was ok for us to meet for either a day or 4, travel, act like lovebird tourists, whatever, fuck like crazy in the hotel rooms or her place and have IM sex sessions at least once a week.

All that changed when OG’s situation reached a decision point for him and even though all the signs from him were not what she wanted, she’s still forging ahead with being exclusively devoted to him. Damn that sucks.

What I loved about the IM sessions was this. Before we ever got together, I would fantasize about how we would be together, I could visualize what I wanted to do to her and her to me and us together. It was emotional foreplay. It went on for weeks before we finally met in a snowy city up north and spent 4 days together. The memories from that time will never leave me.

Every time since then, I’ve used our shared experiences to piant a different picture when we IM. I try to recall, for me, and to her, what it feels like when we are together, how it’s going to be the next time. It’s been incredible. She says it gets her off and I have to believe it *puffs out chest* and I know for damn sure it’s worked for me.

Seems pointless now, since she says that part of us is over.

Why force myself to remember us being together? Why bother trying to put any effort into a fruitless fantasy? It’s no longer foreplay, it’s beyond mental masturbation. It’s just cruel so it’s not going to happen. So I miss it.

I’m a fixer, I guess. I want to solve problems, manage crisises, help damsels in distress. I guess my support helped her get through some ugly times with her separation and divorce. Or maybe I’m just kidding myself and OG was really the one that helped her. Who’s going to be there for her if OG finally fucks up? By that, I mean decides to stay with his family and leaves her in the cold? Who’s going to be there when she decides he’s not worth the trouble and that she can’t “fix” all his issues and problems? Who?

Me

As much as I can, as much as she needs. Call me a sucker. So the fuck what?

We were talking on IM today and suddenly:

Friend (4:05:38 PM): ihave to go

Friend (4:05:41 PM): I’ll tell you later

Friend signed off at 4:02:55 PM.

So what the hell happened? First thought, OG called, second thought STBEH showed up. I guess I’ll just wait and wonder.

Don’t call me OCD, please!

Your Score: The Neat Freak

You scored 31 anxiety, 18 awkwardness, and 56 neuroticism!

You exhibit neurotic behaviors without the underlying anxieties, and you manage fine socially while balancing compulsive urges…so you must be The Neat Freak! You are happy, well-adjusted, and…organize obsessively. Your friends call you OCD, but you’re not: you just love to tidy and categorize!


Your low anxiety score implies that you are able to relax, can enjoy the here and now, and have a healthy amount of self-confidence.

Your low awkwardness score implies that you are socially capable, are personable and charming, and probably go to parties and have fun (especially cleaning up afterwards!).

Your high neuroticism score implies that you exhibit neurotic behaviors–probably cleaning, organization, perfectionism, and other orderly compulsions.


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See the other results!

Well-Adjusted

The Neat Freak

The Dork

The Geek

Phobic

Obsessive-Compulsive

The Subtle Neurotic

The True Neurotic

Link: The Neurotic Test written by littlelostsnail on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

More things I miss

Of my original pathetic list, put out when my friend and I were on break, now that we’re talking daily again, I have many of those back. It’s still uneasy, there’s still a tension at times. I know she wants to talk about what’s going on with OG, but I can’t handle that now. I dawned on me yesterday though, since we’re still on a “sex break” that I should add to the list some.

Sitting in a windowsill together watching the snow fall, then going and making love.

Watching her get dressed, even when she thinks I’m not

Deciding to go without “protection”

Trying new positions

Thigh-high stockings and nothing else (OMG!)

Did the maids hear us?

Who cares if they heard us, let them be jealous

Stamina is a good thing

90 minutes at a time . . . . . .

She never took her CFM’s off

I can still taste you, smell you, feel you

******************************************************************************

I want this back, I felt so alive and worthwhile when we were together and I know you did too. Any moments of doubt and self-loathing can be wiped away when we’re together. Let my love support you.

HNT again

Showing off the newly emerging abs. I’ve always said I had a 6-pack, it was just covered up by a keg for a while . . . . .

I don’t wanna talk about it . .

. . . . . . how you broke my heart . . . . . . .

Wish I could think of what song that was from, I’d post the rest of the lyrics.

I’ve had a few conversations in the last 2 days with my friend. Last night, I told her I really don’t want to hear any more about OG. That is, unless something bad happens. Don’t torture me with the trivial good news and fun things and the issues he’s been dealing with, just let me know when you need me when things go wrong or badly. Let me be a friend and help pick up the pieces.

Seems callous of me, but dammit, that’s the way I feel. She’s excluding a very important part of who we are, uhhh were, could be so that she can focus on him. Just let me know when you need a booty call or a shoulder to cry on, or a chest to fall asleep on, with a strong arm around you.

It’s been several weeks since the aborted attempt at sex here with the spousal unit. No, I’m not desperate, but I’m starting to shut down that part of me again and it makes me sad.

My friend went as far as suggesting that I’ll find someone else to help take care of that need. I had to explain that never at any time was I out there looking, it just happened with us. What I want is her, and what we had together, that’s what makes me happy.

Then again, if I were to find another outlet, would it make her jealous, even just a little?

TMI Tuesday

1. What did you eat for dinner yesterday?

I was told on the way home from being out of town that were were to grill hamburgers, meaning I was to grill hamburgers, so there you go.

2. How much cash is in your purse/wallet right now?

$11 in the wallet and I never carry change, especially copper, it’s bad luck.

3. What have you done to avoid being flirted with by someone you didn’t like?

I can’t remember it happening anytime recently, or ANYONE flirting with me for that matter!

4. Do you believe the theory “Once a cheater always a cheater”?

It’s always a matter of choice, not nature.

5. Describe your sex life in two words.

Completely unfulfilling.

Bonus (as in optional): Would you/have you ever paid money for sex?

Directly no, indirectly, it’s called “marriage”.

Never Enough

We got to see each other yesterday. It was wayyyyyy to public, and wayyyyyyy too chaste for me. I’m sure it was exactly how she wanted it, to control the situation as much as possible but it’s maddening to me. I want so much more and I’m not going to get it.

It’s almost worse than being completely shut out.

After she left, and I had time alone, I lost it. Imagine a grown man, sitting under a tree, on a hot day watching soccer, just shaking, unable to stop for about 30 minutes. Thankfully, no one that knew me was around, but this is how bad it’s affecting me. I had no desire to get in the car and drive 2 hours home to a person I don’t love anymore, knowing that the person I love is going the other direction.

Knowing she doesn’t love me, at least not the way I want her to.

We talked last night and a few times today. I’ve tried to get a response out of her. OG hasn’t committed to spending time with her tomorrow, I’ve offered a dozen times. Again, it’s not what she wants. She wants him, dammit, dammit, dammit.

I’m actually glad I wasn’t able to make the Saturday meeting, STBEH and OG were both there. I wouldn’t have stayed and I would’ve been even more of a basket case.

One of the things she’s complained about to me about OG was his lack of effort in meeting her, seizing opportunities when they’re there. Yet she tells me no, no, no. I don’t know how much more I can handle no before saying “fuck it” for good. I’m so absolutely frustrated right now I have no idea which way to turn. I need some sort of distraction or I’m going to go mad.

Mad, I say

No idea what I’m going to do. None, nada, zip. I’m open to suggestions.